No sign will make you feel taken care of like a Virgo. He is amazing at being of service to his partner and this can have you feeling like you’re a princess. It’s an addicting feeling!
What happens if their natural traits go too far, though? What does a toxic relationship with a Virgo look like? And how can you approach their toxic traits?
As a Relationship Astrologer, I can tell you that you are in the right spot to get some advice just for this situation! Read on to find the signs and to learn how to react to them, so the two of you can make this relationship your best relationship.
5 Signs That You Are In A Toxic Relationship With A Virgo Man – And What To Do About It
1. Putting Out Your Flame
Virgo men are ruled by the whip-smart Mercury, small but mighty planet that keeps our noodles working like a fine-tuned machine. Virgos are much like that in their personalities. They have an active mind, but they don’t have a lick of romanticism or appreciation for hopes and dreams that seem out of reach.
If you’re the type of woman who is dreamy and less logical, like a Pisces (one of Virgos perfect matches, actually) then being with a Virgo can feel like a total wet blanket over all of your hopes. Desire world peace? “It’ll never happen, people have always been violent” Want to get rich? “What a joke, you call in all the time!”
This toxic trait definitely doesn’t feel toxic to the Virgo, who is not usually aware of the effect. They believe they’re giving great advice that gives a dose of realism. The best thing to do is explain why you need the Virgos support even if your goal seems out of reach to them.
After all, if it isn’t going to work then it won’t work whether the Virgo tells you that or not. Let them know you need the feeling of hope intact and the Virgo offering you support instead of “truth bombs” will keep you feeling strong, powerful, and capable.
2. Feeling Like You’re Never Good Enough
More than any other trait on this list, this is the most common in relationships with Virgos. This is because their ruler Mercury is great at picking up on the flaws in a machine to get everything moving smoothly and efficiently. As a result, they are very good at finding what’s wrong so that perfection can be achieved.
What the Virgos forget is that human beings aren’t meant to be perfect and there will always been areas that every human is “failing” in. Pointing out everything keeping their partner from perfection is going to simply make their partner feel bad while disempowering them to make change in the first place!
If your Virgo partner nitpicks you, and this has you feeling like a failure, then it’s time to bring this to their attention. The Virgo isn’t evil, and they don’t want to make you feel bad. They really want to improve everything around them. So, if you explain to them the ways they can be most helpful to you that don’t make you feel bad then they will likely be on board.
3. Lack Of Appreciation For You
Virgo men have a hard time feeling grateful for anything because in their mind, they have nothing to be grateful for until everything is absolutely perfect. The catch is, nothing will ever be perfect – so they find themselves having a hard time appreciating the people around them.
A Virgo will be far more likely to offer a “I see that you’re doing x thing again” rather than “wow, I saw how hard you tried not to do x thing again, you’re really making progress.” This can leave you feeling like all of your efforts just don’t matter at the end of the day, even if you’re trying very hard.
I would counter any Virgo critique with the ways that you’re improving. The Virgo doesn’t naturally see this as easily as what still needs improved upon. When you bring attention to the ways that you have improved or the ways you are totally rocking it out, then it forces the Virgo to rethink their approach to your progress.
With enough time of you appreciating all of your own progress, the Virgo will be faced with no choice but to also see what a Rockstar you’ve become.
4. You Feel Babysat
A Virgo is very much of the mindset that if someone else can’t do it then they’ll just do it themselves. Since they know that they’ll do any action up to their very high standards, they just trust themselves to do it more than others, likely including you.
If the Virgo is like this, then you may find yourself not doing a lot of work because the Virgo will do a lot of it. If this is because they’re the kind of Virgo that shows love through service (there are many of them!) then enjoy your time off and your vacation courtesy of the Virgo!
However, Virgos also might just be afraid that you’ll screw something up so they just go ahead and do the action themselves! This can leave you feeling incapable and incompetent. You can feel disempowered to take action because the Virgo is so good at taking it for you.
If you’re a strong-willed woman, then it’s okay to tell the Virgo man to take a step back. Just because something isn’t done to his standards doesn’t mean the world will spontaneously combust, and he’ll learn that eventually.
Read next: 8 Pros and Cons of Dating a Divorced Virgo Man
5. They Use Their Helpfulness Against You
A Virgo is naturally helpful for more than one reason. They love to be of service to others, and as we’ve discussed, they often feel like they’re going to do the job better than anyone else, including you.
This can be a problem when they begin to talk about how they do everything and you do nothing while ignoring the fact that they often had a huge hand to play in the setup as it is!
They could also use their helpfulness as a way to get you to depend on them. They love the feeling of being depended upon and in a way, they can take your agency away by building up your dependence on them. Don’t let it happen! Make sure you’re doing what you need to be doing so that you keep your power. This also tells the Virgo that they can focus on their own issues instead of yours.
Have you dated a Virgo man? Did they have any toxic traits like these that drive you up a wall? Let us know down below in the comments!
If you want to know if Virgo is even your one true match, take my quiz here and find out if your search is over or just beginning!
And if you feel like you need some private guidance on your relationship, I’ve still got a few spots open for my ‘VIP Consultation’ service that you can book here to get instant clarity and guidance. You can book your private consultation here.
Wishing you all the luck in the universe,
Anna Kovach
16 thoughts on “5 Signs That You Are In A Toxic Relationship With A Virgo Man – And What To Do About It”
Leave a Comment
He still try to reach me tough he have new gf as he share all story n begging me he is wrong n asking for forgiveness but he need times and controlling me in every situation when I try to step to go forward my life so I should left him or still be patient???
Hi Awele!
Wait he has a new girlfriend but trying to reach you. Big red flag sweetheart. You need to cut him off and walk away. Don’t get involved. It’s not right for a Virgo man to think it’s ok to talk to an ex and ask for forgiveness when he already is with someone else. Nope. Find someone else who will treat you with care and respect sweetheart. Not all Virgo men are like this but you got a bad seed. I wish you all the very best!
I gave up on the Virgo I had in my heart. Truth was, he wasn’t even a true friend. I’ll no longer invest in anyone who doesn’t appreciate and/or return my friendship.
Hi Amanda Gordon!
I am so very sorry you had such a difficult time with your Virgo sweetheart. You’re right if he isn’t putting in the effort then he doesn’t deserve you at all. Many Virgo men are quite loyal and the best friend you could ever have but this guy apparently falls short. He must have his investment in himself or in someone else. So sorry. Now you can be open to someone else who will be really awesome for you! Sending you blessings!
I’ve been with my Virgo guy for a little over 4 years. He was in prison for just about 4 years (I actually met him there). He was released in March and sent home to another state. He is a terrible texter. He is horrible at phone calls, too. I am a Taurus and had all these plans which got screwed up when he was not sent to live with me. I am all about planning and knowing what we are going to do to get him here (which is a real possibility) but he is so lax about it all. He does not say I love you often, never comments on pics I send, and never asks me to come to visit (it is only a 5-hour drive). I am just trying to understand him and each time I read something you send, I see something else that I didn’t realize! Trying to be patient! <3
Hi Jen K,
Ok texting and calling with Virgo… VERY true honey. They are old fashioned and most of them don’t seem to like technology much at all. As far as the not saying love you often, that comes with a whole lot of time. They are the strong silent type. They like to show you they love you with what they can or will do for you. The thing is, if he’s being too laid back then you need to ask him why that is. He’ll tell you. Something about Virgo men is that they can be rather oblivious to their partner’s feelings. Tell him you wonder what is happening with him because you’d like to have more contact. If you really want more, check out my books on Virgo Man Secrets.
So I am Virgo man, I have been reading a lot of articles about Virgo and Aries compatibility lately. Sometime in November I started a relationship with an Aries man…at first we started with friendship, because that was what I wanted as at that time. I was not looking for a relationship, but then again we went out on our first date. I invited him to a party and he was excited about it. We went for the party. At the party he started telling everyone we were in a relationship. He was so charming and attractive that everyone wanted him, but he presented me as the love of his life. This sort of swept me of my feet because I was not sure I wanted it but I had to play along. I knew I was not ready but then again I was like, why the hell not can’t I try.
That was how we started dating officially…Until we went through so many back and forth fights, quarrels and blockings and unblockings on social media and whatsapp. he gets into serious moods and he is quite independent and will never allow me to do anything for him.
The relationship started feeling toxic because I gave my all to this guy, I did things I had never done before with this guy. We always go out for parties and hangout at restaurants and bars. He enjoys doing that a lot. He would flirt with other people in my presence, kiss other people right in front of me, but I always act like I was never bothered but clearly I know it is him being who he is. I was always ready to forgive it. Valentine day came, he surprised me with some beautiful gifts and that completely made me love him more. Then, toxicity started after a night of fights two days after valentine, like he literally moved into my house. he was moody. And me being such a caring person that I am, I persisted in asking what was wrong and what I could do. He asked to be left alone but I didn’t listen ,I just wanted to find out what was wrong. He stabbed me with a screwdriver in my palm…broke things in my house and left my house. We didn’t talk for a month because he actually blocked me. I gave him his space for like two weeks, then I made sure I text at least every week to let him know I still care because regardless I cannot understand why I love him that much. I hate him and love him at the same time. He has no empathy.
After a month and his birthday was three days ahead. I decided to show up at his place . I went to his house, he was shocked because he thought I never knew his house, but I know how to get around things that I need to know about, so I did my investigation and I got his place. So he was shocked and kept wondering how I knew his house, we laughed over it and that was how we resolved our issues. But he had already started dating someone else, which hurt me a lot. He could not even try to allow us talk about our issues and resolve, he had moved on. I was still wallowing in hurt and indecisiveness. I loved him but he was not good for me. Ironically. How could I deal with that?
He told me he needed time to think about us getting back together. So I gave him his space. Then he would call me out of the blues to borrow money from me, in the most arrogant manner. He would say he needed money urgently. So I sent him monies.
only to find out this guy extorts me from me to spend money on taking his new love interest out.
He would tell me he does not want to be in a relationship with anyone but he wants to be alone and focus on his life. But I found out later he is dating 4 different people. He would never allow me to check his phone. He checks my phone, blocks people from contacting me and claimed that he loved me.
When I found out his series of dating, I decided to teach him a lesson. This guy literally humiliates me in public, ingratiate me and took me for granted. I don’t let people in easily because I know it is hard to let go. I told him my pains and my past childhood trauma which he promised to be there for me. Now, he tells me it is over. That did not go down well with me. So I started my revenge, went to his house with some hoodlums, I wanted to hold him accountable for things he broke in my house and the money he had borrowed. He thought I was weak. I didn’t care what was going to happen. I just knocked at his door and told him to come out as we had scores to settle. For the first time, I became enraged like a psychopath. He could not believe his eyes, he didn’t have the money. He wept bitterly and I’m sure that really broke him. He said I just used his weakness against him. It broke him and after I made sure he wept. He told me he loved me. And could I allow him kiss me one last time even if I don’t want him anymore…I said no way, he should go and do that with the trashy people he has gotten himself now. I’m done with his manipulation and deception.
I forgave him and left that night with the hoodlums without them beating him.
Surprisingly, he started texting more often, calling and chatting with me..he started showing care…I don’t understand why. I kept thinking maybe he is up to something. He admitted I won and that he was weak. But it will make him have a bad memory of me. But since them he had completely changed in the way he communicates. He says he is not in love with me but he wants us to remain friends. Even though I had disappointed him.
So that part where you said we use our help against people to keep them depended on us is damn accurate. I feel good about it. I mean I can’t waste my time and resources on anyone if they eventually turns out ungrateful.
Hi Steve!
Wow you’ve really been through it with a Virgo man. From everything you’ve shared with me, he sounds like he has some past issues he’s clinging to that cause him to react in the extremes. The moods are normal but when they become violent, something is VERY wrong… with him. There is something he’s being very closed off with and he truly would benefit from some professional help with his anger issues. I would suspect it has to do with other feelings as well. I think it’s best that you do you and keep going forward because he’d only drag you into his abyss. I’m so sorry he’s broken.
Hi I’ve met a virgo a month ago, things were going well until communication started to unravel. He loves to debate and argue, he is pessimistic at time and 8 years younger than me. Has parental issues with trauma of not feeling good enough. All of these things started to come out, but he is a thoughtful caring person willing to help if I need anything. I don’t know if I can continue the friendship or date him down the line. At first I felt he was the one until so many little things started happening (draining debates, confidence issues). Not sure if he will become obsessive and clingy, I hope he can seek counseling. He’s not a bad person.
Hi anon!
What you see as pessimism is what they feel is them being a realist. Trust me I know the drill. Yes, they love to argue for some reason. They’re hyper critical as well. It’s part of their personality so it’s a matter of accepting this about him and just doing your best to blow off his negative remarks. Get to know him more before you blow him off. He does have redeeming qualities that can make the good outweigh the negative. It’s up to you though. I do wish you all the best!
After 10 months of dating my Virgo ex left me saying i wasn’t good enough for him…. After being a caring, supportive, loyal and loving girlfriend. Am a Leo, I compromised on the lack of communication coz I understood it’s not his fault… Never did i lie to him, he accused me of lying. He broke my heart so bad and never cared. He left me emotional and mentally drained… I still miss and love him…
Hi lillie!
I am so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like to me he has some ego issues and is projecting HIS flaws onto you instead of fixing himself. It’s easier to blame or point at others. Sadly when they are not in a good place with themselves they tend to do this. Maybe Virgo isn’t right for you OR you just got a bad seed. My heart goes out to you sweetheart.
okay so im a capricorn dating a virgo we kind of went through a little bad time because his babymother whos a sagittarius came around trying to get him back but he told me he was never serious about their relationship cause he was still in love with his first love who was a pisces and the saittarius told me he used her lied manipulated her and kept sleeping around on her and slept withe her cosin almost getting her pregnant and still sleeping with the pisces she knew he was still in love with the pisces but i dont know why their not together he was trying to be with her i guess the pisces left it broke his heart he got in a relationship with the sag because she was so open to it he said but he siad he lost feelings in their relationship a while back i felt like he was stuck on her though and when she came around trying to be his friend he respected our relationship and said that he didnt want us to meet and was respectful to us but were not physically together right now were still together he doesnt i dont know if i was overreacting or not let me know what yall think i love him alot i went through his phone theirs no bitches and hes being true says he wants kids with me and willing to fix any problem between us in person and i cant wait they also hes a virgo libra cusp but more one the virgo side born on sept 20 i love him i feel like we can make it work hes fighting for it but yall let me know if yall think i was overreacting with his babymom (he told me that the pisces melted his heart and that his babymother the sag didnt)really do yall think he gonna go back to her or love her sill i dont want to overthink and jump to conclusions
Hi Jenna!
The worst mistake is worrying about other relationships he’s had. What I mean is, that’s their drama and shouldn’t interfere with your relationship with him. To make it work, you’ve got to trust him to handle his business and to keep your relationship as a priority. If you have that then stop worrying about him going back to anyone. If you keep worrying about it, you’re going to manifest it to happen and trust me, that’s a bowl of regret. Don’t do that to yourself or your relationship. If he keeps fighting for it then you should to. I wish you all the very best sweetheart!
okay so you were soooo correct he came and saw me again and fixed everything and were working on moving in together i just was confused because people said that virgos once their heartbroken they dont want to date for a while or they dont give their all but idk if he was heartbroken by her or not but im going to leave it alone and continue to work on us despite the negative comments on how capricorn and virgo relationships are thank youu
Hi Jenna!
Wow, I am stunned to hear your story. You are so very welcome if my advice has helped you. I appreciate your wonderful feedback and I hope things continue to heal for you and your Virgo love.