Are you at the end of your rope with your Virgo man’s constant nit-picking and criticism of you and the world at large? Here’s why he does it—and how you can deal with it.
There are many wonderful things about dating or being married to a Virgo man. He’s usually very committed, being an earth sign, and he’s organized, neat, tidy and meticulous. He also has a heart of gold, underneath that critical nature, and he’s level-headed and rational. He has a brilliant mind, and he is usually quite sensual and affectionate. Many Virgo men might not have buckets of money (though some do) but seek reward through the service they can give to others—how they can help.
However, all signs have their negative sides, and Virgo’s is that he can be fussy, extremely critical, perfectionistic, and argumentative. He’s overly nit-picky, anxious, and opinionated, and he may overanalyze or overthink things.
One of the most frustrating traits of a Virgo man is his constant judging. For him, life is black and white—there are no shades of grey between. He’s not extreme, exactly, but he has very clear ideas of right and wrong. And he won’t hesitate to tell you what he thinks, constantly picking at you and telling you where you may be wrong.
The most infuriating thing about his unsolicited advice is the fact that your Virgo man is usually right—even though you hate to admit it! When he gives you advice that you aren’t looking for, it drives you crazy!
He’s not just judging you, either—a typical Virgo man judges the whole world, all the time. He will judge his boss, his colleagues, your friends, his friends, the state of the world, the educational system, and anything else that comes across his path. Nothing is immune to a Virgo man’s judgement.
You can choose to allow this quality to eat you up from the inside, get caught up in it—or you can simply overlook it and enjoy his better qualities. The choice is always yours! No one is forcing you to be with him, and life experience tells us that there’s no point in trying to change someone if they don’t want to be changed.
Why Is My Virgo Man Judging All the Time?
The Virgo man is often a bit of a tortured soul. He doesn’t mean to judge as much as he does—it’s likely a quality in himself that he dislikes, too. But it is a part of him, just like his innate kindness, his willingness to help, his desire to serve, and his ability to give great advice.
Sadly, a Virgo man usually even harsher with himself than he is with others. He is always looking for flaws, and he takes this self-judgement and turns it on the external world, which is you and everyone else.
A Virgo man will judge absolutely everything, including:
- The way you dress
- The type of food you eat (diet and health, incidentally, are among the most important things in a Virgo man’s world)
- Your policy on environmentalism (take note—recycle and re-use! If it’s not enough to do it for the planet, then it should be something you do to make his heart at peace)
- His job and everyone at his workplace—you’ll often hear that “they aren’t doing it properly”
- Himself and all his flaws—what he could have done “right” or “better”
- How disorganized everyone else is
- How disorganized everyone else is
- How untidy the house is (Virgo men are usually neat-freaks)
- How “good” or “bad” someone or something is, including him
The list goes on and on! A Virgo man will judge wherever he can.
Read next: Narcissistic Virgo Man And When It’s All About Him
What Can I Do When My Virgo Man Is Judging?
This is the big question. What do you do when your Virgo man is being so critical that you can’t stand it? Here are a few options potential paths I outline to clients who are exasperated by their judgy Virgo men.
1. You can judge right along with him!
Some people enjoy complaining—and maybe you do, too! There’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, having someone at your side who is happy to complain right along with you can be a way to vent your stress. Together, you and your Virgo man can happily judge the world (instead of each other) and share all the things you think should be done better. Strangely enough, this can actually be a point of bonding for the two of you, and feeling free to get out his gripes might make him less of a complainer the rest of the time.
2. You can argue with him to challenge his views
This will probably be the most tempting option to go with. Though your Virgo man is seldom wrong, you might want to challenge him and show him that the world is not as flawed as he seems to think it is. You may take it upon yourself to boost his morale, to constantly be optimistic and positive, to see the beauty in everything. If you really do feel this way, that’s great, but if not, don’t exhaust yourself. It can be very tiring to try to change someone’s deepest-set traits, and unfortunately, a Virgo man is intrinsically critical.
3. You can ignore him
In my experience, ignoring his complaints is one of the best ways to handle his judging. Truly ignoring it means letting it slide off your back without taking any of it on. This may take a bit of practice, and you can simply nod, shrug, or make a non-committal sound when he starts off, or you can try to redirect the conversation. Not everyone can take this route, but with practice, this can become effortless for some.
4.You can ignore him—but resent him
If you refuse to react to his criticism but inwardly seethe and begin to resent him, all you are doing is bottling it up. This will lead to explosions and arguments without fail. Always check yourself—are really letting it go, or are you holding back at the expense of your own peace of mind? If the latter, it’s time to consider another option.
5. You can make him aware of his behavior—with compassion
Rarely—and only very rarely—is a Virgo man unaware of his behavior. It may be a good idea to gently make him aware that you’ve noticed his judgment and criticism. He, of course, may be in denial, but the chances are that he will agree with you—and then blame himself. Virgo men are prone to beating themselves up, so take this approach with the greatest love and compassion. In fact, if you can be kind and gentle with him, he may even become genuinely less judgmental. He may start learning to accept the world, himself, and others.
6. You can focus on his good qualities
I’ll help you with this step in a few paragraphs, but the general idea is to focus on the good when he’s being critical. There is plenty to love about him, which can help you not be consumed by this one character flaw. Remember, no one is perfect. There’s probably something about you that is particularly annoying to him, too. Focusing on the positive, on what you are grateful for in your Virgo man, will go a long way in healing your relationship. It will help you become less exhausted by his criticism and more likely to overlook it in favor of his positive qualities.
7. You can accept him the way he is
This may be the best option of all. For many people, love equals complete acceptance of a person—and that doesn’t include ignoring problems, putting on blinders, arguing or trying to change someone, or hopping on the bandwagon. When you fully accept your Virgo man for who he is, judgments and all, true love begins to grow between the two of you. He will feel truly loved, and his judgementalism won’t feel as serious as it did in the past. This could take a bit of time, however—and lots of patience!
Read next: Temperamental Virgo Man: Why and What You Can Do
What Are Some of the Good Traits I Can Focus On in My Virgo Man?
You love him for a reason, but sometimes it’s helpful to take a moment and think about what drew you to your Virgo man. Here are a few of the standout qualities that come natural to Virgo guys:
His heart of gold
A Virgo man truly wants to help people in the most practical of ways. This may mean doing the dishes for you or making sure you have a healthy meal each night. He may be a doctor, healer, or nutritionist, helping people achieve their best health. He could be involved in charities, take care of his family financially, or be that guy who is always willing to do the dirty work at the office. In this, he is a real treasure and should be deeply appreciated.
His intelligence
A Virgo man can hold a conversation like no other, and if you’re attracted to intelligence, he will push all the right buttons for you. He’s capable of down-to-earth, sensible, engaging debates, and he’s always eager to learn. These men are eternal scholars and teachers, and he will educate you on a thing or two in life! His sharp mind is powerfully analytical, and he’s quick on the uptake. In other words, you don’t have to tell him twice!
His sensuality
Being an earth sign, a Virgo man loves to engage his five senses, and his sensuality can be a huge turn-on for you. He loves to touch, he loves good food, and he knows just how to please you—and he’s willing to listen and learn. What woman doesn’t want that in a man?
His attention to detail and tidiness
Many women are stuck with men who are messy and dirty and never share the household tasks. Not you! He not only works hard at his job, but he also works hard at home. He won’t let things lie, and he has a particular dislike for dirt and bad smells. He will insist on washing the dishes right after cooking (which can be admittedly annoying), keeping the floor swept, and making sure that the brass is shiny. You won’t have to chase him to pick up his clothes, nor will you have to worry about badgering him to clean. In fact, he may be the one to do that to you.
His organizational skills
A Virgo man is a true planner. He may have more to-do lists than even you, and his calendar is usually meticulously organized and color-coded. He knows exactly what to do when chaos hits, and he’ll be the one to manage the logistics without batting an eyelid. He’s like a personal assistant to everyone he knows, and what’s more, he really, really enjoys it! Attention to detail is second nature to him, and he loves to have a good plan in place—though he’s not averse to being flexible when the time calls for it. Overall, though, he loves his routine and needs it to ground him!
Conclusion on Virgo Man Being Judgmental
So, all in all, do you really think that a Virgo man’s judgmentalism is impossible to live with? Perhaps not—perhaps it’s just another quality that you can embrace in him, focusing on the fact that he has plenty of other good qualities to make up for it. True love is accepting someone completely, flaws and all, and learning to love them through it.
For a head-start on figuring out whether you and your Virgo man are going to work out, take my free compatibility quiz.
I’d love to hear about your experiences on this often-frustrating subject. Leave them in the comments below!
Your friend and devoted astrologer,
Anna Kovach
Redroseangel – You are MY angel! Bless you for taking the time to share your experience with me, every word you say is true and my Virgo sounds identical to yours. I can see it now and I can easily see my future playing out just as your relationship has. I have had the thought as well that his wife might choose to leave the relationship before he is ready (him not wanting to leave because of all those practical reasons you describe). I wonder sometimes if she hasn’t already threatened to leave him and, as you say, he has talked her out of it to suit his own agenda. He claims she would never leave him because she is too immature and too irresponsible to take care of herself. Or does he need to think that in order to feel needed in a relationship where perhaps he really is not, but as you say, he will do what he needs to for his children? (This woman is a Taurus, they are not known for being needy – quite the opposite from my understanding). Anyway, no way for me to know the answer to that one, but it is a thought that continues to come up in my mind.
Hi Off White Blog!
Thank you for writing in. If your Virgo guy is married then you need to probably leave him alone. Most Virgo men do not cheat and when they do, they are likely to do it again. They’re also probably riddled with guilt and have lots of emotional baggage which isn’t good for you. It’s probably best to concentrate on you and your life path. If he does end it with her and comes to you after that, then maybe there is a chance. Otherwise, you deserve better than being in second place.
This sounds a lot like narcissism. Please don’t portray this as something that women should expect when it is borderline abuse.
Hello LoveYourself!
Not all Virgo men are extremely judgement but they all do judge. Some are extreme and some are mild. It stems from their own insecurities. Virgo men always appear to be strong and know what their doing but in reality, they judge because they’re not secure in themselves. They are kind of projecting. It’s not really narcissism though there are Virgo men who can be narcissistic but no, there shouldn’t be an expectation of it. This is written more for women who don’t know this side of Virgo that CAN appear. If you would like to know more, please read my book “Virgo Man Secrets”.