So, you’ve fallen in love with a Virgo Man. He’s kind. He’s helpful. He’s stable. He’s a hard worker. He wants to build a life with you.
He’s so great in so many ways—but he’s killing you with details! Sometimes, you may feel as if he’s constantly nit-picking, that nothing is ever good enough for him. His flaw-seeking can drive you up the wall and even make you question the relationship. How on earth do you handle it?
Well, it’s not easy. Virgo men are built this way, as are Virgo women. It’s their Achilles heel—their desire for everything to be perfect can damage their quality of life. And you can be very sure that they are hyper-aware of this trait, and they don’t exactly love it about themselves. Unfortunately, this is a very hard quality to change, and most of the work lies in you accepting how they are.
Let’s explore why your Virgo man is so obsessed with the small stuff and a few tips on how to handle it!
Traits of a Detail-Oriented Virgo
- He has a spreadsheet for everything—from your finances to the shopping list, the chores roster, or his 5-year plan. He may thrust his spreadsheets on you at every available opportunity! This can make it very hard to just relax and enjoy life.
- He will plan everything, from the weekly menu to a detailed plan for the weekend. He will burrow down into every detail, from the weather forecast to the route, the people coming—and on and on it goes!
- He may point out all the ways in which you did something “wrong” and how he could do it better. This particular element is often the main issue for the clients I work with as a relationship astrologer—more so than his spreadsheet obsession and plans!
- He will point out your flaws and offer unsolicited advice on how to improve. For many women, this is a relationship-killer when you want to be heard, understood, and empathized with instead of “fixed.”
Why Is Your Virgo Man So Obsessed With Details?
Understanding the astrological soul of your Virgo man is key to overcoming the irritation. This list may even help you to overlook this trait. This is precisely why I work in relationship astrology—because it helps so much to create understanding between the two of you and create an environment of tolerance and care!
Virgo men are most often obsessed with details because they’re anxious, deep down. They feel a need to control the world and everything in it—their work, their diets, their environment, and even their partners. They feel like if they can control every detail, they have some sort of order to the chaos, which makes them feel much safer in life.
He Always Needs a Plan
Virgo man are always in need of a plan—this relates to his need to control things, as well as his need to be a problem-solver.
He’s obsessed with details when it comes to any kind of plan, whether it’s building a house, planning a birthday party, or anything in between. He feels in control when he has an action plan in mind that covers every possibility of anything going wrong.
He Worries About Things Going Wrong
A Virgo man truly struggles with the idea that things can go awry. He can adapt may be quite flexible, but at the time, it can feel like the world is ending when his best-laid plans have a wrench thrown in.
His careful planning helps to mitigate, in his mind, a disaster. For example, he may have a cupboard full of medication just in case something befalls you or the family, even if nothing ever has happened (and likely won’t).
He’s a Problem-Solver
Virgo guys truly want to fix everything that’s wrong with the world. This often lets them excel in the medical profession or be brilliant with finances.
He loves to dig into an issue and find a solution—and without Virgo men, society would crumble! The problem is that he may take this need to solve problems as something to inflict on you, even if it’s unwelcome.
Virgo men, being ruled by the planet Mercury, are incredibly perceptive—they simply do not miss a thing.
They make excellent writers and teachers because of this hyper-perception. He will see all the little details in something, but all too often, he’ll miss the forest for the trees.
He’s a Perfectionist
And, of course, your Virgo man is most likely a total perfectionist. This is very useful when he’s doing something for you—he will get it done right—but it is frustrating when he’s trying to make a human being perfect.
Often, he’s much, much harder on himself than on anyone else. A Virgo man can really beat himself up when he’s missed a detail and may become rather obsessed with trying to fix what he thinks he “messed up” on.
It’s sometimes hard to watch him go through this, isn’t it? He’s such a kind person at heart, but he fails to be kind to himself. This makes him overly critical of himself and everyone else.
In essence, the Virgo man is often a tortured soul. If he doesn’t have a job that helps him to focus all of this energy on, he will focus it on himself and on you in ways that are not always constructive. This is not an easy quality to live with, and he does need to know of the pressure it places you under, but it’s not impossible!
6 Tips on How to Handle Your Persnickety Virgo Man
While the simplest thing is to accept him as he is, unless you’re a saint, you may not be able to just get over it.
This is not an exhaustive list, but in my practice, it’s what I’ve seen really does help—a little goes a long way. Your Virgo man really has a heart of gold and a strong desire to get everything “just right.” He seldom lets up on himself, so he needs a partner to understand him and also appreciate what he does.
1. Be Kind and Understanding
Above all, be compassionate towards your Virgo man. He sometimes imprisons himself in a world of planning, and he needs someone to show him how to be kinder to himself and relax.
Virgo men need to remember that they are not perfect, and that’s okay—no amount of planning and fixing will ever fundamentally change who he is, or who you are. When you are kind and empathetic, he can learn from you!
2. Help Take Some of the Load Off Him
Although your Virgo man might criticize the way you do things, try not to take it personally and instead help him when you can.
Whether that’s as small as handling a family dinner plan or something bigger like being in charge of your finances, it’ll help him not to feel overwhelmed. Ask him how he likes things to be done first, so he won’t have the opportunity to correct your “mistakes.”
3. Let Him See the Bigger Picture
Virgo men seldom ever see the bigger picture; they are so focused on the small details that they forget that there is a wider perspective.
You can be that perfect balance for him. For example, when he’s stressing about a family event and trying to make sure that everything is perfect, remind him that the fact that you are all coming together because you love each other will overshadow any potential mishaps. This may offer him a bit of relief.
4. Help Him Relax
Here’s how you can really help a Virgo man who is obsessed with details—get him to relax. You don’t need to do this is an overt way. You can simply bring him a drink, arrange a fun date, run a bubble bath, or organize a beach outing.
Think of the ways he likes to relax and make more time for that. Be as patient as you can.
5. Let Him Do the Planning
As a balance to helping him out, remember that a Virgo man is happiest when he is in charge of a lot.
Take a step back in some areas and let him be in charge. Big or small things, it doesn’t matter. It calms him and lets him feel useful.
Read next: 3 Questions You NEED to Ask When a Virgo Man Sends Mixed Signals
6. Have a Conversation About It
Be open with your Virgo man. He is a good communicator and appreciates talking things out.
Tell him how he is making you feel—perhaps you feel belittled, unheard, or not good enough. Take time to remind him, in a non-confrontational way, how it feels to be picked on and told that your efforts aren’t sufficient.
Don’t expect everything to change overnight, but talking through it will help him get there.
Lastly, don’t put the same pressure on yourself that he puts on you and himself. Be the one who is more relaxed. He needs that from you.
The truth is, no one likes to be suffocated with constant planning or told that whatever they have done is “not good enough.”
Also, it’s important to appreciate what your Virgo man does for you—even though it can be frustrating never to be spontaneous, it’s also nice to know that he is holding you both in a space of security.
After all, often two people are attracted to each other because they balance one another out. Could you use a little more organization in your life? Perhaps that’s why your Virgo man is around and why you are drawn to him!
Are you with a Virgo man who is obsessed with details? Is it driving you absolutely crazy? How do you handle it? Please share your story with me!
Wishing you all the luck of the universe.
Your friend and relationship astrologer,