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Hot and Cold Virgo Man: Why and What You Can Do

The hot and cold Virgo man is no myth. Have you been seeing or dating a Virgo man who seemed so into you and in love with you then suddenly seemed as though he all but vanished?

Why in the world would he turn that quickly? Keep reading for some answers and tips on what you can possibly do in your situation.

Uncertainty and Baggage

In the beginning, you feel as though this man has swept you off your feet and you are finally in a fairytale relationship meant to last. He says the right things, he knows how to treat you, and makes you feel so special.

He gets into your soul and is able to make you feel like a million bucks. You feel as though this is it; he’s the one for you, and there is no one else out there like this man. You feel as though you hit the jackpot.

Then suddenly he starts to pull back, stops calling as much, he stops texting or will only respond if you text him first, he disappears for days at a time with no contact or tells you he isn’t sure this is the right relationship for him.

He starts to let doubts creep in. Virgo men are somewhat skeptical in life and this makes them analyze the heck out of everyone as well as any relationship he has whether its romantic, friends, or family.

His brain is constantly pondering, weighing pros and cons, trying to “size” people up, and wondering what motives they have. So yes, he is plagued with overthinking. This can make him doubt the relationship and pull back.

When he’s unsure he thinks the best thing to do is spend time alone with his thoughts so he can sort through everything. Unfortunately, he doesn’t always express this to his partner or potential partner.

He seems cold and hard. He doesn’t mean to be, he simply doesn’t consider that he needs to speak up and let his partner know he’s having doubts and why. He wants to think of all angles before he does that. He wants to be 100% sure.

The other thing is; if he’s been really hurt in the past, he’s going to carry those wounds forward. After all; when a Virgo man commits to someone, he means it. He won’t do it until he is positive that it’s the right thing to do.

If you notice that he’s acting this way, you may try reaching out to him by asking him “I have noticed that you’re pulling back a bit and I was wondering if there is anything I can do”.

See what he says. He may actually tell you at that point that he has a lot going on. It may have nothing to do with you at all. He may have other issues going on in his life that he’s just not ready to talk about.

Either way, you reach out to him and letting him know you can tell something is off and you’d like to help in any way that you can, he’ll have to either tell you he’s having doubts or tell you he has other crises that he’s dealing with.

Leaves You Hanging

Hot and Cold Virgo Man

Again, Virgo man isn’t one that is forthcoming about his feelings. He is honest about everything else in his life but isn’t open about emotions. When he has doubts or he’s fearful, he will clam up.

You cannot force him to open up until he’s ready. I have many women write into me about their Virgo guy not opening up after months of being together. Ladies, Virgo men have a different time table than we do.

We may think 3 to 6 months is a long time and he should open up but to him, it’s like 3 to 6 days. He’s a very slow thinker and thus makes him take a great deal of time before he’ll start to trust someone enough to let them “in”.

He has a fortress around his heart and he’s not going to just open up and divulge all his feelings, talk about his past, or go into other deep emotions. Until he’s been with you for a year or more (sometimes it takes longer), he isn’t likely to easily talk.

He’ll keep it at the surface or talk about things that don’t have too much emotion behind them but he won’t get down deep with you until he feels he can 100% trust you to not leave him or criticize him for his past.

Sadly, when he pulls back; he sorts of leaves you in a limbo. What can you do when he goes quiet and doesn’t tell you why? You can try something like “I’m worried that maybe I did something wrong, are you alright? Is there anything I can do?”…Again, by you asking this, he’s realizing that you’re hanging by a thread.

When he really understands the impact of not talking to you brings, he’ll try to tell you as best as he can what is going on and what may happen.

Doesn’t Want Pressure

Remember how I said that Virgo men take a great deal of time to open up? Pushing him will only get him to be colder to you that much faster. You want to relax and pull back a little yourself.

While you’re getting to know him and he’s trying to learn whether he can trust you or not; you need to back off. Don’t keep pushing trying to get him to answer questions he’s not ready to answer.

Also, don’t EVER pressure a Virgo man for marriage. It will be a HUGE mistake for you. Virgo is the one sign that doesn’t NEED a partner to live happily with. He can stay single and be perfectly fine with it.

This makes him harder to connect with but if you have patience, love, and can let him take things at his own pace; you may find much more success.

I hope this helps you figure out what is going on with your Virgo guy and what you can do about it, or at least TRY to.

What’s your take on the hot and cold Virgo man?

Share your story (or situation) with our community in the comment section below (don’t worry, it’s anonymous).

Wishing you all the luck of the universe

Your friend and Relationship Astrologer,

Anna Kovach

5 thoughts on “Hot and Cold Virgo Man: Why and What You Can Do


    I had a one night stand with a virgo man sometime in August 2019, from there on, we proceeded with our “Casual thing” for 2 months, before he asked me, “What we were” (this time, i had started having feelings for him) i told him, initially i was ok with fwbs. But i have started having feelings for him.

    He bluntly told me he thought we were just fwbs… I told him that we can still be fwbs,I can manage my feelings(i had seen his mind games on his reply, lol, and so i played along) … then he told me that sudden change of mind was pretty fast. (when i said i am ok with fwbs).

    Later on, we started connecting on a deeper level, i was the first one to profess my love for him, he just smiled and said he’s glad i told him. A week later, he told me he loves me but i “talk too much” lol, (i tend to talk alot when i am with the person i love, he is a very cool and reserved guy).

    Fast forward, about 3 weeks later, he started acting cold and distant, not calling or texting as usual for like 2 days,(typical virgo guy) he didn’t return my texts, i confronted him via text asking him to tell me what’s going on.

    He told me he is not ready for a serious relationship, and seems like that’s what i want,(i think this is my fault, he is a very slow guy when it comes to relationships, i couldn’t tell what got over me that i kept showing signals of wanting him to commit, i admit, i slightly pressured him) we stayed for some few days without talking, he came back asking for a second chance to treat me right.

    We tried working out our differences, we started seeing each other again, but it wasn’t as perfect as before, i think the whole thing shuttered me. We started talking less, but when we meet, it’s fireworks… (honestly, he is a very good guy, with all the qualities i ever wanted in a man, except his mixed signals, argh!).

    So, i told him we can only be fwbs,(i don’t want to get hurt, i tend to love with all my heart, typical aries) but if i get someone else, I’ll have to cut him off, he was hurt by this statement, and asked me if I’d want something else other than fwbs, i told him no, (deep down, i wanted him to be my man). Ok,i am just scared of his mixed signals. Honestly, i am not sure what he wants.

    When asked, he says he’s not ready to date, yet he is always there of me, looks at me like he is seeing my soul, when we hang out, he pampers me and all…

    I ever told him someone’s hitting on me, he said, “so you want to move on and leave me alone, all alone… lol, i asked him if he had a problem with that(lol, playing with his mind,he enjoys doing the same) he bluntly said,”but I’ll be all alone!,”

    On Friday this week, we hanged out, it was amazing, he opened up about himself (he rarely does) i am afraid i have started having feelings for him once again…

    I honestly want him to be mine, but i can’t profess my love for him, because he might tell me he is not ready, i just can’t handle rejection… what do you think, might he be having feelings for me?

    1. Hi Diana!

      Here’s the thing…. if you do not tell him how you feel the he won’t know and nothing will come from it. Virgo men do not like rejection and will not take steps forward unless he knows the woman he’s into is into him also. He needs you to tell him the truth about how you feel. I know you feel it’s a risk but isn’t he worth the risk? What the worse that happens? He says no and he continues to be the way he’s already been? Think about it. If you need more help though, you can check out my book “Virgo Man Secrets”.

  2. Virgo men don’t waste time on anything they do not believe in. If he isn’t giving up then he cares more than you realize.

  3. Diana, you want him to stop playing games, but you’re consistently being dishonest about your feelings out of fear of rejection. You’re expecting and demanding honesty without providing the same. Reflect on that and ask yourself why he might not feel comfortable being honest with you.

    1. Hi Amanda!

      Virgo men need a woman to be totally upfront and honest. He is the oblivious type that needs someone to tell him what is otherwise he’ll never see it. He doesn’t notice when a woman is hitting on him. He’s pretty unobservant when it comes to this. If you need more help though, you can check out my book “Virgo Man Secrets”.

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