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Hot and Cold Virgo Man: Why and What You Can Do

The hot and cold Virgo man is no myth. Have you been seeing or dating a Virgo man who seemed so into you and in love with you then suddenly seemed as though he all but vanished?

Why in the world would he turn that quickly? Keep reading for some answers and tips on what you can possibly do in your situation.

Uncertainty and Baggage

In the beginning, you feel as though this man has swept you off your feet and you are finally in a fairytale relationship meant to last. He says the right things, he knows how to treat you, and makes you feel so special.

He gets into your soul and is able to make you feel like a million bucks. You feel as though this is it; he’s the one for you, and there is no one else out there like this man. You feel as though you hit the jackpot.

Then suddenly he starts to pull back, stops calling as much, he stops texting or will only respond if you text him first, he disappears for days at a time with no contact or tells you he isn’t sure this is the right relationship for him.

He starts to let doubts creep in. Virgo men are somewhat skeptical in life and this makes them analyze the heck out of everyone as well as any relationship he has whether its romantic, friends, or family.

His brain is constantly pondering, weighing pros and cons, trying to “size” people up, and wondering what motives they have. So yes, he is plagued with overthinking. This can make him doubt the relationship and pull back.

When he’s unsure he thinks the best thing to do is spend time alone with his thoughts so he can sort through everything. Unfortunately, he doesn’t always express this to his partner or potential partner.

He seems cold and hard. He doesn’t mean to be, he simply doesn’t consider that he needs to speak up and let his partner know he’s having doubts and why. He wants to think of all angles before he does that. He wants to be 100% sure.

The other thing is; if he’s been really hurt in the past, he’s going to carry those wounds forward. After all; when a Virgo man commits to someone, he means it. He won’t do it until he is positive that it’s the right thing to do.

If you notice that he’s acting this way, you may try reaching out to him by asking him “I have noticed that you’re pulling back a bit and I was wondering if there is anything I can do”.

See what he says. He may actually tell you at that point that he has a lot going on. It may have nothing to do with you at all. He may have other issues going on in his life that he’s just not ready to talk about.

Either way, you reach out to him and letting him know you can tell something is off and you’d like to help in any way that you can, he’ll have to either tell you he’s having doubts or tell you he has other crises that he’s dealing with.

Leaves You Hanging

Hot and Cold Virgo Man

Again, Virgo man isn’t one that is forthcoming about his feelings. He is honest about everything else in his life but isn’t open about emotions. When he has doubts or he’s fearful, he will clam up.

You cannot force him to open up until he’s ready. I have many women write into me about their Virgo guy not opening up after months of being together. Ladies, Virgo men have a different time table than we do.

We may think 3 to 6 months is a long time and he should open up but to him, it’s like 3 to 6 days. He’s a very slow thinker and thus makes him take a great deal of time before he’ll start to trust someone enough to let them “in”.

He has a fortress around his heart and he’s not going to just open up and divulge all his feelings, talk about his past, or go into other deep emotions. Until he’s been with you for a year or more (sometimes it takes longer), he isn’t likely to easily talk.

He’ll keep it at the surface or talk about things that don’t have too much emotion behind them but he won’t get down deep with you until he feels he can 100% trust you to not leave him or criticize him for his past.

Sadly, when he pulls back; he sorts of leaves you in a limbo. What can you do when he goes quiet and doesn’t tell you why? You can try something like “I’m worried that maybe I did something wrong, are you alright? Is there anything I can do?”…Again, by you asking this, he’s realizing that you’re hanging by a thread.

When he really understands the impact of not talking to you brings, he’ll try to tell you as best as he can what is going on and what may happen.

Doesn’t Want Pressure

Remember how I said that Virgo men take a great deal of time to open up? Pushing him will only get him to be colder to you that much faster. You want to relax and pull back a little yourself.

While you’re getting to know him and he’s trying to learn whether he can trust you or not; you need to back off. Don’t keep pushing trying to get him to answer questions he’s not ready to answer.

Also, don’t EVER pressure a Virgo man for marriage. It will be a HUGE mistake for you. Virgo is the one sign that doesn’t NEED a partner to live happily with. He can stay single and be perfectly fine with it.

This makes him harder to connect with but if you have patience, love, and can let him take things at his own pace; you may find much more success.

I hope this helps you figure out what is going on with your Virgo guy and what you can do about it, or at least TRY to. Click here for more details on him!

What’s your take on the hot and cold Virgo man? 

Share your story (or situation) with our community in the comment section below (don’t worry, it’s anonymous).

Wishing you all the luck of the universe

Your friend and Relationship Astrologer,

Anna Kovach

11 thoughts on “Hot and Cold Virgo Man: Why and What You Can Do


    I had a one night stand with a virgo man sometime in August 2019, from there on, we proceeded with our “Casual thing” for 2 months, before he asked me, “What we were” (this time, i had started having feelings for him) i told him, initially i was ok with fwbs. But i have started having feelings for him.

    He bluntly told me he thought we were just fwbs… I told him that we can still be fwbs,I can manage my feelings(i had seen his mind games on his reply, lol, and so i played along) … then he told me that sudden change of mind was pretty fast. (when i said i am ok with fwbs).

    Later on, we started connecting on a deeper level, i was the first one to profess my love for him, he just smiled and said he’s glad i told him. A week later, he told me he loves me but i “talk too much” lol, (i tend to talk alot when i am with the person i love, he is a very cool and reserved guy).

    Fast forward, about 3 weeks later, he started acting cold and distant, not calling or texting as usual for like 2 days,(typical virgo guy) he didn’t return my texts, i confronted him via text asking him to tell me what’s going on.

    He told me he is not ready for a serious relationship, and seems like that’s what i want,(i think this is my fault, he is a very slow guy when it comes to relationships, i couldn’t tell what got over me that i kept showing signals of wanting him to commit, i admit, i slightly pressured him) we stayed for some few days without talking, he came back asking for a second chance to treat me right.

    We tried working out our differences, we started seeing each other again, but it wasn’t as perfect as before, i think the whole thing shuttered me. We started talking less, but when we meet, it’s fireworks… (honestly, he is a very good guy, with all the qualities i ever wanted in a man, except his mixed signals, argh!).

    So, i told him we can only be fwbs,(i don’t want to get hurt, i tend to love with all my heart, typical aries) but if i get someone else, I’ll have to cut him off, he was hurt by this statement, and asked me if I’d want something else other than fwbs, i told him no, (deep down, i wanted him to be my man). Ok,i am just scared of his mixed signals. Honestly, i am not sure what he wants.

    When asked, he says he’s not ready to date, yet he is always there of me, looks at me like he is seeing my soul, when we hang out, he pampers me and all…

    I ever told him someone’s hitting on me, he said, “so you want to move on and leave me alone, all alone… lol, i asked him if he had a problem with that(lol, playing with his mind,he enjoys doing the same) he bluntly said,”but I’ll be all alone!,”

    On Friday this week, we hanged out, it was amazing, he opened up about himself (he rarely does) i am afraid i have started having feelings for him once again…

    I honestly want him to be mine, but i can’t profess my love for him, because he might tell me he is not ready, i just can’t handle rejection… what do you think, might he be having feelings for me?

    1. Hi Diana!

      Here’s the thing…. if you do not tell him how you feel the he won’t know and nothing will come from it. Virgo men do not like rejection and will not take steps forward unless he knows the woman he’s into is into him also. He needs you to tell him the truth about how you feel. I know you feel it’s a risk but isn’t he worth the risk? What the worse that happens? He says no and he continues to be the way he’s already been? Think about it. If you need more help though, you can check out my book “Virgo Man Secrets”.

  2. Virgo men don’t waste time on anything they do not believe in. If he isn’t giving up then he cares more than you realize.

  3. Diana, you want him to stop playing games, but you’re consistently being dishonest about your feelings out of fear of rejection. You’re expecting and demanding honesty without providing the same. Reflect on that and ask yourself why he might not feel comfortable being honest with you.

    1. Hi Amanda!

      Virgo men need a woman to be totally upfront and honest. He is the oblivious type that needs someone to tell him what is otherwise he’ll never see it. He doesn’t notice when a woman is hitting on him. He’s pretty unobservant when it comes to this. If you need more help though, you can check out my book “Virgo Man Secrets”.

  4. I have been intimate ‘friends’ with a virgo guy for years. He knows I like him on a deeper level and have expressed such to him over the years. Though he claims at times he has a desire to have a more serious relationship with me. He disappears more than he is around , I’m talking months sometimes with no contact. And I have expressed to him that if he is truly interested in me beyond a friendship then he’d reorganize his priorities which he has yet to do. Though I know we have separate lives and his job his highly demanding if he truly wanted to make it work he’d make ways to keep in better contact and want to spend time with me. He claims this and that and says he will do this and that but doesn’t actually commit to what he claims. I am so tired of his up and down behaviors even though I know he has ten things going on in his life and they likely won’t resolve out anytime soon. I do believe his work will always come first which is a pity considering we compliment each other in a lot of ways and care for each other. I have had a few conversations on a neutral calm tone with him that I laid out how I felt about the situation and he claimed he understood. He came out and said recently himself that we compliment each other and likes how supportive and such I’ve always been. Though nothing ever changes, so I do believe it likely won’t work up into a more serious situation with him and I will likely end up moving on.

  5. I am an aries and I have been married to a virgo for about 9 months, and I am currently typing from my hospital room, 8 months pregnant with our first child… My virgo husband had been dealing with self esteem issues for a long time becuase when he was 18 years old, he found out he was an immigrant. Spent his whole life in the United States, his mother brought him when she was 13, and yes she was 13 when she had him. And never sorted out his paperwork. Needless to say, this is a point that is reflected off a lot when it comes to his self esteem.. he lets it get to him. till this day, he has always worked as a construction worker. When I met him, he was not at his best. In fact, he was in a bad place in his life. He moved in with me pretty quickly, and then he started to have health issues such as mental and emotional. He takes medication for it now, and over time – when he had moved in with me – I helped him through all his medical, because I was really falling in love with this guy. Well, even with my patience and understanding, he was doing little things to take advantage of me I felt. It got to the point where he was doing better – could go back to working – but never did. He would sleep in alot, and then there was a point where i caught him watching porn, and that really affected me… I felt like I was taking care of someone who completely was not in his good intentions. We werent married yet.. yet I still held on because he would beg for forgiveness. I was also dealing with a mental strain during this time, because when he moved in – it increased my rent. And I was having a hard time keeping my car payments up. A lot was going on – and the fact he was indulging in porn in our home, and not doing anything to support – even JUST himself… I felt betrayed in a lot of ways. We still went on, and I had to try to forget these circumstances because I wanted to think he really did love me. we were only dating for a short period of time before we got married. You guys have no idea how badly I wanted this to work, and how badly i wanted to have a family of my own. I already had two children with two different dads, and honestly i really had felt like I rushed this marriage.. I was the one who wanted to get married, i was desparate to keep him because I believed his words and just believed in him so much…

    I need advice… becuase Im sitting here in my hospital room, about to have a baby – we got into an argument and I told him to leave back to his home in a different state. and he did leave…. I regret everything i had said to him, but I wasnt wrong… Basically I am here because i am high risk pregnancy and our son is trying to come early… He hadn’t been very emotionally supportive and it got to me, he was pretty cold. doesnt touch me the same way, look at me the same way… it really was just killing me emotionally… its just killing me and im trying not to stress because of the baby… What started all the fuss and him leaving was because I was going through alot too. And I needed him to bet here to support me – and simply he wasnt doing that. I was getting really upset because my children who are 3 and 6 and was bottling it up – he thought it was about him entirely, i was hurt he wasnt being affectionate, but i was more hurt i was dealing with my children not being able to contact them – live in another state becuase of juristiction laws… I hadnt facetimed them in days becuase their dads were ignoring my calls and I was sitting in a hospital room waiting for their baby brother to arrive… I was not in a good place in my heart… when I was sitting at the bed, my husband looked at me and said “im just going to leave you alone”…. and thats why I got upset… before I walked out the door i got a chance to say “What really hurts is that im dealing with so much, and all you have to say is I’ll leave you alone, instead of whats wrong, this is what our marriage has become?”

    When i left, and came back he was gone.. needless to say – this is all while we are here at the hospital waiting for our son to come any day now.. when he came back he was drunk, and i exploded on him… I brought up how unloyal he was, and that if he was going to be like this he needed to leave and go back to Oregon… and you know what..

    he did just that.. he left, hopped on the next flight that same night.

    now I have no contact with him – he doesnt have a phone – let me remind you, he never really was doing anything responsible to sustain himself in general… and this was a pattern I kept making excuses for.. He pretty much has been gone for 5 days now… and I am sitting here in the hospital room, have nobody by myside… no family… its just me…

    What do I do…. why do I feel like Im dying inside… i feel so ashamed, and like I failed my son thats not here yet… I know i am not the easiest person to deal with – but thats ONLY if you get me to that point. I had always tried to help my husband, and yes – I am at fault for getting upset with him when he didnt follow through with obligations – espeically with his citizenship. I would put the paperwork in front of him, even tell him its ok, you dont need to fill EVERYTHING out right now, just do the best you can and we can figure it out later – really really was understanding and patient i thought.. and he just never took it serious.. and never followed through on his end with anything… And our son is about to be here any day now becuase I keep going into preterm labor but they want to help me keep our son in as long as he can – and if its healthy for our baby too so im stuck at the hospital on continued monitoring…

    am I selfish for all of this?..
    Did he really leave me for good is what I want to know..

    I will say – I did make a fault in all of this… when I got pregnant – i mentioned abortion.. and apparently it fucking kills him that I mentioned it.. it “tares him up inside” and he has never looked at me the same. I would of honestly never gone through with it – I mean look at what ive been dealing with – two children with two different situations. I was in a situation with my first childs dad where i was being exploited, and my second childs father was very very abusive and a closet addict…. and now this…

    I feel like at the end of the day I really set myself up, and Im failing my children.. AT THE END OF THE DAY, i feel like I’ve FAILED my children… and Ive ruinned a man that left me when Im in a hospital bed…

    I am losing my mind… I keep realizing the reality of all of this and its pulling me left and right..

    of course it was wrong of him for his selfishness, I needed someone to be my support during this medical emergency – not knowing the outcome of his own child…

    It really just kills me. I feel at a loss..

    1. Hi Angie!

      Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you’ve had to go through all of this sweetheart. It sounds like you got one of the bad seeds in his sign grouping. I think that from here forward, you be a good mom, stand strong, and do what you have to do. If he loves you then he will get his crap together and be a good father/partner. If he doesn’t then no one will blame you for moving on because you need a stable partner who will provide and be your equal. Don’t settle for less than what you actually deserve sweetheart. Go for the stars no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Take care!

  6. I am a Taurus and met my Virgo 9 months ago. It took me a month to finally agree to go out with him. The conversation was great, physical attraction was definitely there and he expressed that he’s developed feelings for me early on. I did too, but I didn’t tell him. We are both homebody’s so I didn’t mind that we would go and pick up dinner, go on drives, and come home to watch a movie, listen to music and snuggle. He’s often busy with work so for a while we saw each other once or twice every week. After 2 months, he kind of went cold. He would text and ask if I was with another guy or being intimate with anyone else. I felt he was playing mind games and I couldn’t stand it anymore. After telling him I wasn’t into his mind games, I told him I was going on a lunch date with someone I just met. Just lunch. Then more texts came asking if I slept with him and if I was with the other guy & asked for details on what we were doing. By this time, I was fed up and asked him to stop calling or texting me. I told him I moved on because I wasn’t a priority in his life and I couldn’t deal with his mind games. If he couldn’t trust me then there was nothing else we needed to talk about. A month later, he started coming around more and texting every day. He said he was in a bad place and his confidence level is down. At this point I told him I would be his friend and always there for him to talk so long as he respected me and didn’t ask silly questions like before. We started hanging out more like 3-4 times a week, we enjoyed watching sports together and listened to music and cooked meals together. His whole attitude changed. He started opening up to me about his past, his family, how he appreciates me, and watching him get teary eyed when talking about some memories. Snuggle time was amazing and he was very gentle and kind. Our bond grew and he really started expressing his feeling for me. This time, I did too. We were finally in love and it felt great. Fast forward 2 months later and he was offered a job out of state. I supported his decision and was always there for him to vent to about work. Outside of the people he knows at work, I am the only person he knows or chose to get to know. He accepted the job out of state and asked me to move with him. I said yes. Since then, we made plans on our move together. Initially we had 5 months to prepare. But his start date got moved up so then we had 3 months. After a month, with 2 months left before the move, he started acting distant again. I still got the good morning beautiful texts and I love you too texts but I haven’t spent any time with him for the past 3 weeks. I figured he was stressed with work, the move, new job, finances, etc. I know he doesn’t do well with pressure or nagging so I held back. Well, yesterday he came over and it felt like everything was still normal. We cooked, watched tv, laughed, and I asked him if he still wanted me to move with him. He said he told me how he felt a few weeks ago instead of just saying yes. I reassured him of how I felt and that I needed better communication and reassurance from time to time. He then for the first time in a long time brought up the guy I went out to lunch with. I didn’t know what to say except he should know better since he has a gate key, key to my house, and garage opener. He had access to me 24/7 including my location at all times. He’s leaving for his new job tomorrow because again his start date got moved up and will be back in a couple of weeks to pack his things and my things for our move. He knows I’m renting my home the 1st of next month and left it up to him to find a place for us to live until we can buy a home. So this brings me to now where I am not positive if he will back out and leave me with nowhere to live and if he’s just not telling me he’s had a change of heart. I know he has his way of doing things and I know to leave him to his ways when he’s stressed but at the same time, I need more reassurance that he’s not gonna just leave me high and dry. All I got was a I told you how I felt weeks ago. I know he’s protecting his heart and has said a few times before that ideally he wants me to move with him but has a feeling that I won’t. Please help. What do I do?

    1. Hi Anne!

      Alright from what you’ve shared with me, he’s had a bad relationship experience in the past that has jaded him. This is why he starts to question you and accuse you sideways of the idea of other men. Once Virgo becomes jaded, they just cannot trust. They could love you to the moon and back but sooner or later they start wondering if they’re getting screwed over just because someone else did it to them. I hate to say it but it takes a long time to get him to realize that you’re not her. You seeking reassurance at the same time means you have fears or baggage you haven’t let go of either. Both of you are similar in this way. I would recommend doing things to heal from this. Meditation works wonders if you do it once a day every day for 30 days. There are plenty on YouTube that help you release. I wish you all the very best sweetheart. Healing has to happen or nothing will change.

  7. Hi I have very close work mates. he send me a messages everyday and call me almost everyday. He arranged a special dinner for me when I visited his town. He told me everything about his personal life, his past, financial, family problem, work problem, etc. We had sex twice when I we met. We are living in different town anyway. The funny fact if everytime we had discussion and deep talk about serious problem (like family, my ex marriage) etc I found that he will change to be more distant and cant text to me first for 2 days, he is still comment on my social media but not like show any “open topic”.
    But in the beginning of our friendship he said that he was not ready for any commitment at that moment. and my condition is I just finished my divorce with 1 3 years old boy. what should I do?

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